We are all responsible for more than just ourselves but looking after ourselves is a big part of our social responsibility.
The popular promotion of “self-care” is highly individualised and selfish. It is a marketing concept used to sell products and a lifestyle that fits within the boundaries of a competitive and selfish society. It is a “self-care” that is only available to those with privilege.
The first thing to do in prioritising a grass-roots self-care is to recognise and reject their concepts of what that means. Their concept of “self-care” tends to lead to self-judgement and feelings of failure when we are tired or run down – as if it is somehow our own fault. This is reinforced by the health snobbery that is promoted by the natural health industry. It is also the framework that many natural health professionals are trained in as part of the corporate focussed mainstream education system.
Their concept of “self-care” becomes just another “thing to do” on a long list of things to do that no one person can humanly achieve. It makes us judge ourselves poorly for being tired in the face of this reality, rather than recognising the problems with an unjust social division of labour.
In the face of the overwhelming amount of work we have to do, we deprioritise the one “thing to do” that seems to us to not matter as much – looking after ourselves. It seems to us that it doesn’t matter as much because we tend to think that we don’t matter as much as others. Challenging this belief is at the heart of winning ourselves around to prioritising our own self-care and rebuilding our own concepts of what this means.
We do matter as individuals. But unlike their concepts of self-care, where the individual “matters” in the abstract and only for themselves. In a grass-roots concept of self-care, the individual matters because they are part of the collective. Because every single person in the collective matters as much as the next person. Everyone is indispensable.
A grass-roots concept of self-care means including yourself as part of the circle of people that you love and care for. It means valuing the work that you do. It means valuing yourself even on the days that you feel that the work you are doing is “not enough”. It means learning to accept that in a world that is so dominated by cruelty and injustice, it is unlikely that any of us will ever feel that we have done “enough”.
There are many complexities to the problem of self-care. The impacts of racism, sexism, queerphobia, ableism, classism, poverty and other forms of oppression and exploitation add intense pressures including greater workload, less time, increased isolation, lack of safety and lack of access to knowledge and resources. This is also what makes an individualised notion of self-care completely unrealisable for a majority of people.
There are greater social pressures upon many people to deprioritise themselves, as well as blaming and judging themselves and each other poorly. There are also those who are socialised to expect a lot of their self-care to be done for them. Finding the ways to challenge this in a collective framework is important – especially through educating ourselves and others about the racist and sexist imbalances in the social division of labour. More importantly we need to find the ways to put that education into practice by doing what we can to redress the imbalances in our own lives.
It is up to everyone to take care of themselves as much as is possible and to care for others as much as possible. Those capacities are different for every single person and are always changing. Constant social pressures put a massive barrier to finding ways to communicate within our communities and with those we love about these changing needs. Finding the ways to do this is a process rather than something that can be solved once-off. It is a process that is an essential part of building a better society based on caring and understanding.
Some practical tips and strategies for self-care/collective care (a work in progress):
- Cook ahead of time whenever possible so that you are not hungry before it is time to cook (this makes it easier to stick to a plan)
- Whenever possible make a larger batch of meals like curries/soups/stews and freeze a few portions for the days when there is no time/energy for cooking
- Find ways to remind yourself to drink water – examples of this might include: having a glass of water by the bed that you drink before you get up in the morning; having a glass of water every time you remind someone else (eg. kids) to drink some water; having a glass of water first thing whenever you go into the kitchen to prepare a meal; keep track of how much water you are drinking (eg. keep track of how many times you refill a water bottle; put eight magnets on the fridge that you shift from one side to the other each time you have a glass of water…)
- Try to incorporate exercise into your daily routine at the same time…while it can take a while to make this happen every day, if it is at the same time it takes the thought and planning out of it (eg. a walk first thing in the morning or after dinner; doing some push ups first thing in the morning).
- Ask for help and support for the things you are struggling to incorporate into your day. For example, if you are struggling to find time to exercise, is there something you can do as a family or with friends that will help to maintain motivation.
- Put reminders on your phone to remember to take medications/herbal support/supplements.
- Find ways to incorporate 10-15 minutes of sunshine a day into your routine so you don’t forget: eg. as part of your exercise routine; after breakfast or lunch (after meals is good because being still and calm after meals helps your digestion);
- If you are drinking with friends, make sure everyone has water in between drinks.
- Support your friends who are trying to make changes for their health – eg. don’t make fun of people’s food choices; support friends who are cutting back/giving up the smokes/drinking etc. It is really crappy behaviour to make fun of people about this sort of stuff. You might think you are joking, but it’s just not funny. At all.
Keep working on developing habits for the things you need to do to look after yourself. These sorts of strategies will often work best if they are something that you develop yourself. Support yourself to prioritise yourself rather than condemning yourself when it is not possible, be gentle, motivate yourself as you would motivate someone else.